Category Archives: Humour

Four strings and the Truth

People ask me why do I
Like to play the Uke
I just think to my self
“Four strings and the truth”,

1st string is the note of “A”
Second string is “E”
“C” if you know what I mean
The fourth string is a “G”.

Chorus 1
Four strings and the truth
Known only by few
Make a joyful noise
Is why I play the Uke.

Might look like a little flea
But that don’t matter much
When singing about my Jesus Christ
And how He lost His blood

It’s not the instrument you play
Uke or big guitar
The thing matters most to him
Is playing from the heart.

Chorus 2
Four strings and the truth
Are you one of the few ?
Make a joyful noise
Is why I play the Uke.

 

Words & music by Peter Hall. Scot Free music. February 2016

…a play on the phrase that country music is “3 chords and the truth”.

Are you one the few ?.

What is it about a hillbilly song ?

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What is it about a Hillbilly Song ?
That sounds so good to me
What is it about a Hillbilly Song ?
The story’s of life believed
What is it about a Hillbilly Song ?
That touches me within
Can ya please tell me
What is it about a Hillbilly Song ?.

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When I was a boy of twelve
My Grandpa played to me
Little Roy Lewis on the ol’ banjo
I couldn’t believe my ears
He picked & played that ol’ 5 string
Like I never heard before
& when he sang about my Jesus
He opened that hillbilly door.

I remember my childhood on the farm
My family would sing & play
Between the ukulele’s & steel guitars
They had something to say
They recorded “I met the Master”
And “When God dips His pen”
And preached about the love of Jesus
On Radio 2KA.

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Now they call it “country”
Not “Hillbilly” now it seems
They’ve replaced the fiddle & banjo
With tinsel & cellophane dreams
Give me a song sung from the heart
Sung the Hillbilly way
With banjo’s, dobro’s & steel guitars
I wanna hear a hillbilly play !.

Words & music by Peter Hall 20/8/2010. © Scot Free Music

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A true story song. My family would record gospel songs to play in between talking about the gospel on a half hour radio show called “Happy Harmonies” on radio 2KA during the 1960’s and 1970’s.

Singin’ our heads off in Taylor Park again

Singin’ our heads off in Taylor Park again
Singin’ ’bout Jesus as we remember when
How baby Jesus came to be our Saviour
A chance for a new life to begin.

Chorus

“We Three Kings”, ‘n’ “Silent Night”, and “Joy to the World”.
Remind us, we needed Christmas Day
How a Saviour came to us, cos
We couldn’t save ourselves
To give His life, so we could know His grace.

 

Kids with candles and faces all aglow
Shows that tonight is more than just a show
A new generation who needs a Saviour
A heavenly father’s love they need to know.

Bridge

What I sing about is more than Santa
Jingle Bells or Rudolf and his sleigh
But Jesus Christ who is God’s answer
and how God provided us a way,

Last time
Singin’ our heads off in Taylor Park again !.

————————————————–

Key D Capo 2nd Fret
C                                    F        G       C       F G
Singin’ our heads off in Taylor Park again
C                                  F       G             C
Singin’ ’bout Jesus as we remember when
Dm                                              C
How baby Jesus came to be our Saviour
Dm                  F           G    C
A chance for a new life to begin.

 
Chorus

F                                   G                            C              Am
“We Three Kings”, ‘n’ “Silent Night”, and “Joy to the World”.
Dm                   G                           C
Remind us, we needed Christmas Day
F                      G
How a Saviour came to us, cos
C                 C/B      Am
We couldn’t save ourselves
Dm                         G                            C
To give His life, so we could know His grace.

 

Kids with candles & faces all aglow

Shows that tonight is more than just a show

A new generation who needs a saviour

A Heavenly Father’s love they need to know

 

Bridge

Am                                             C
What I sing about is more than Santa
Am                                           C
Jingle Bells or Rudolf and his sleigh
Am                                            C
But Jesus Christ who is God’s answer
       Dm               F              G
and how God provided us a way

 

Last time
C                               F             G     C
Singin’ our heads off in Taylor Park again

 

Found in the archives (an old back up drive !). A Christmas song written for “Carols in the Park” (Taylor Park, Grenfell NSW) in Australia at Christmas 2007. I was the MC for town Carol’s that year and wrote this for a gap in time between items. I have never recorded this one…it was for a time and place.

Words & music copyright by Peter Hall 2007

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747 to Dubai

A lady sat next to me
On the 747 to Dubai,
It wasn’t long before I asked God;
“Why, oh why, oh why” !.

All that she could do was
Talk and talk and talk,
All that I wanted to do was
Walk and walk and walk.

She talked louder than the engines
With more revolutions per second,
And to make matters worse
She had a face like a melon.

I found out she loved horses
And loved the Aberdeen races,
The more I heard her talking
I knew horses have nicer faces.

Oh yes…she has 2 other sisters
I saw the photos of their wedding
And the one with the Union Jack
On top of her marital bedding.

Did you know she really loves bagpipes
And got married to the music of Elvis ?
But she forgot to buy the deserts
But at least the guests had their Haggis.

I haven’t told you her job
Or her favourite colour of dress,
Cos I’m exhausted after the flight
I think it’s time for a rest.

So next time you have ‘time out’
And you want to rest as you fly,
Make sure it’s an empty plane
Or book a seat on the aisle !.

 

Every part of this poem is a true story !. (written on a bench at Dubai Airport at 4:00am…I had to laugh and write a poem about it !)

 

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Fish ‘n’ chips

Sometimes, poetry is meant to be heard and not read… (.7 mb. .46 min)

Fish ‘n’ chips on the Clyde
Fish ‘n’ chips on the side
Fish ‘n’ chips with too much salt
Fish ‘n’ chips and watching boats
Fish ‘n’ chips and sunny clouds
Fish ‘n’ chips and funny crowds
Fish ‘n’ chips and ugly dogs
Fish ‘n’ chips without the smog
Fish ‘n’ chips and coffee cold
Fish ‘n’ chips where ice cream sold
Fish ‘n’ chips where joggers sweat
Fish ‘n’ chips on wet park bench
Fish ‘n’ chips where sea gulls swoop
Fish ‘n’ chips where sea gulls poop
Fish ‘n’ chips with nip on the nose
Fish ‘n’ chips with nip on the toes
Fish ‘n’ chips is rubbish food, but
Fish ‘n’ chips taste so good
Fish ‘n’ chips and mountain sides
Fish ‘n’ chips on the Clyde !.

Get the picture ?

 

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Song in “F”

Think I’ll write another song
Maybe short or maybe long
With some spontaneity
Taking life too seriously.

In my chair taking a rest
Think I’ll write the song in “F”
I don’t look like a movie star
It’s just me and my guitar.

 

Chorus 1
After caring for the flock
feel I’m wound up like a clock
Need to feed the mind an soul
And let creative juices flow.

 

Smell of coffee in my nose
Tartan socks warm up my toes
Hell-o-vision shows the rugby
Goes well with my toast and honey.

Comes a time to waste some time
Thankfulness is not a crime
Being grateful for the day
While the six strings help me pray.

 

Chorus 2
Hear the birds & smell a rose
In your head and comfy clothes
Walk along the Firth of Clyde
With my lady by my side.

 

So there’s my little song
Hope it wasn’t short or long
Keep your spontaneity
Don’t take self too seriously.

Keep your spontaneity
Don’t take self so seriously.

 

Words & Music, guitar & vocals copyright by Peter Hall. Scot Free Music 2015

 

You can listen or download  the song here. 3.3mb. 3.35mins

(The “lick” in “F” & “C” replicates a wee trick I use on the 6 string lapsteel by bending the 5th string with my ring finger behind the bar/steel…thought you were wondering about that…)

 

Google it

I had some friends over for tea
To sing happy birthday to me
I forgot to buy the KFC
So thought I’d give them a treat
So when you want to eat Chinese
And you really want to noodle it…

Just Google it !.

Their money gifts made me rich
Making money seemed like a cinch
I didn’t need a salesmanship pitch
To make myself a little niche
When you need to know the dollar
and how value of the rubel sits…

Just Google it !.

The Facebook photos made me seen
To all of my friendly team
At least that’s how it seems
Please hit “like” on your Computer screen
When you’re insecure
And you need a new approval hit…

Just Google it !

Looking for identity
And where your family history fits,

Need to know the goss
And the latest greatest show biz split,

Need to make a speech
And you need a joke to show your whit,

You know what to do !…

When you need to know your clan
And the colour of your tartan kilt…

Just Google it !.

Words & Music by Peter Hall Scotfree music. 1.7.2015

You can listen to, or download the song here. (1.5 mb. 1.38 mins)

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Ham Shem Japheth and…Bluey

Written for the “Henry Lawson Festival” in 2009 in Country Australia (the most famous Australian poet). I put on the local accent, I tried to “send up” the Australian humour, I tried to give glory to God in the end. But it was “too left-field”. The outback Aussies didn’t get it. The claps at the end was a courtesy thing only…oh well…

Here is the live reading…

Can you imagine in the early days
about Noah and his ark,
Would you have laughed at this bearded bloke
who thought he was some bright spark,
See, dad had the gall to tell us all
that it was gonna rain,
My brother bluey laughed and said
“Dad, the rain in Spain only falls on the plains (mate).

But Bluey got a bit worried
when the animals started to herd,,
And what really got his goat
was this massive flightless bird,
“Great grand dad Adam named him”
Noah dad yelled out while I peaked,
This Emu was an ugly thing
you shoulda seen his beek !.

But what made Bluey laughed the most
was this animal that just hopped,
The rotten sod just hopped his way
through his high protein crops,
Bluey never seen such a funny thing
he was glad he couldn’t run,
‘Cos Bluey yelled out to my dad Noah
“quick Dad, pass me the gun” (that’s for the farmers).

But Noah said, “wait a minute
or you’ll be a failure,
You have to take the kangaroo
to a place that’s called Australia,
To help you with your trip down south
after this world ha had a little bath,
You can take another funny bird with you
one that has a laugh.

Stone the crows Bluey said
your not gonna give me the raw prawn are ya,
“No way” dad Noah said
it’s called the kookaburra,
But Bluey said “I want those animals
without those weird and funny names,
like ’emu’ and ‘platypus’ and ‘kangaroo’, ‘goanna’
please stop playin’ ya games.

“Nahhh” said dad Noah, A sense of humour
is what you Aussies need,
The kooka will teach you Aussies how to laugh
and to laugh at yourself indeed,
And if ya get a croaky throat
take those birds you see afar,
‘Cos you’ll sound either like a Cockatoo
or that funny pink Galah.

“Please don’t call me a Galah” he said
to dad Noah as he gave a sigh,
Just for that dad Noah said
“you can take with you all the flies”,
So Bluey left the family behind
to populate the Earth,
He found his way to Australia
where his kids would have their birth.

Now Bluey’s kids get to enjoy
Australia and it’s treasures,
the wonder of creation
God’s blessings without measure,
Now, Bluey is glad when he gets to enjoy
His Saviour int he land down under,
For surely the God of creation
is definitely the greatest wonder !.

Scotland Rugby

For all supporters of the Scotland rugby team who experience the roller coaster…

The highs of Scotland
The tries of Scotland
The sighs of Scotland
The cries of Scotland
The pies of Scotland
The rise of Scotland
The ties of Scotland
The whys of Scotland.

The lows of Scotland
The blows of Scotland
The flows of Scotland
The glows of Scotland
The woes of Scotland
The throws of Scotland
The clothes of Scotland
The foes of Scotland.

The flower of Scotland
The power of Scotland
The showers of Scotland
The hour of Scotland
The bower of Scotland
The tower of Scotland
The trousers of Scotland
The powder of Scotland.

The wins of Scotland
The shins of Scotland
The chins of Scotland
The skin of Scotland
The stings of Scotland
The sins of Scotland
The kings of Scotland
The Yin of Scotland.

Written while watching Scotland vs Italy at Murrayfield 28.2.2015. Scotland were leading until Italy scored on the full time whistle…the highs and lows…

(“Yin” is Scots for “one”. A “big yin” is a “big one”, a boss)

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Scottish teeth, Aussie teeth

Scottish lips
Scottish teeth 
How do you eat your haggis ?,
With sheep lungs and tatties
And wee bit o’ Dundee lettuce.

Aussie lips
Aussie teeth
How do you eat your barbie ?
Burn the steak on both sides
For the backyard cricket army. 

Scottish lips
Scottish mouths
How do you drink your whiskey ?
As quick as a highland deer can run
So you’re dead by fifty.

Aussie lips 
Aussie mouths
How do you drink your beer ?
With pickled livers and pretzels
Without any salt or fear. 

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