Irish holiday (Hoping we get lost on the way)

I took the ferry from Cainryan’s port
To Belfast at Donegal place,
With my beautiful wife of 28 years
To enjoy some holiday space.

Belfast is surrounded by seven hills
The locals say no use complaining,
If you can see them it’s about to rain
If you can’t then it’s already raining.

We went to the docks where Titanic was built
Saw graffiti not for the squeamish,
“designed by the Scottish, built by the Irish
Then it was sunk by the English”.

But the Titanic museum looks likes an iceberg
With the tour guides who are full of zest,
They said there was nothing wrong the boat
It was working OK when it had left.

Then off to Shankhill where many were killed
The wall separates religious views,
A cheeky Aussie tourist wrote on the wall;
“peace starts with a BBQ”.

I then asked a man near the Ulster cemetery
“what’s the tourist places to see ?,
He said “the grave of the inventor of the crossword”
His grave is down two, and across three”.

Belfast decided to form a ice hockey team
They should have thought of sport played in summer,
For the second prize was “The Belfast Bullets”
And the first prize was “The Belfast Bombers”.

So we took a drive down to Eniskillen
Met a man with a joke quite crude,
He asked me why the French eat snails
It’s because they don’t like fast food.

The next day we drove to the city of Dublin
Full of statues of men most have heard,
But if you don’t really know who they are
At least they’re a hero to the birds.

I asked a local about all the sculptures
“Are only prominent males now dead ?”,
He looked at me and my wife and said
“There weren’t any females born then”.

He then said he had a half brother he liked
I loved the joke that he said,
His half brother only had one arm
And also had only one leg.

He said this brother built the first Irish plane
Fame and fortune is his lot,
He called it “Mayfly”, so I asked “why ?”
“Cos it may fly or then it may not”.

He then built the first rear view mirror
I didn’t know whether to laugh or wince,
He said he made enough money to live
So He’s never ever looked back since.

We headed back to Belfast city
To catch a ferry with a smile on our face
Enjoying the scenery and Gaelic music
Hoping we get lost on the way.

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