A trip around Scotland

A cuppa wi a Scotsman
He was smart as I could gather
He said he lived a farmer
Wi his mother and his feather.

So I went to see a Weegie
It was fun beyond the pale
I said I felt on shaky groond
He said “it’s a sugaly nail”.

Then I went to the Isle of Sky
Across the windy sea
So I could enjoy the rain
That falls at ninety degrees.

So went down the borders way
met a lassie down in the mouth
Who wanted independence
So the weather would move down south.

Then a fish shop at Bonnie Wigtown
Advertised as “Takeaway food”
I asked the price of a meal
It was eleven takeaway two.

Then my car broke down at South Uist
I didn’t know how to feel
When I asked for a mechanic
And they said “we are all McNeil’s”.

But a lady who lived in Falkirk
Called her dog “my collie”
Her next door neighbour is confused
Cos his last name is “MacCauley”.

So if you drive aroond Alba
City, glen and loch
You’ll enjoy the sense of humour
You’ll find in every Scot !.

Here is my attempt at a Scot’s translation of my above poem…

A cup o’ cuppa wi’ a scotsman  
He wis smart as ah cuid gather
he said he leed a farmer
with his maw ‘n’ his faither.

Sae ah gaed tae see a Weegie
’twas fin beyond th’ pale
Ah said ah felt oan shaky groond
He said “tis a sugarly nail”.

Then ah gaed tae th’ isle o’ sky
across th’ blashie sea 
Sae ah cuid gilravage th’ smirr 
That falls at ninety degrees.

Sae gaed doon th’ borders way 
met a lassie doon in th’ mouth
Who wanted independence
So th’ waither wid shift doon sooth.

Then a fish shop at Bonnie Wigtown 
advertised as “Takeaway food”
I asked th’ price o’ a meal
It wis eleven takeaway twa.

Then mah motor broke doon at sooth Uist
I didnae ken howfur tae feel
When ah asked fur a mechanic
And thay said “we ur a’ McNeil’s.

Bit a lassie wha leed in Falkirk
Called her dug “my collie”
Her neist door neighbour is confused
Cos his lest name is “MacCauley”.

Sae if ye take the motor aroond Alba
City, glen ‘n’ loch
You’ll gilravage th’ sense o’ humour
You’ll fin’ in ilka Scot !.

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